Small Changes
Small Changes
This information comes from Atomic Habits by James Clear with my thoughts added. Think about it, if you have the time, and tell me what you think. No pressure, but it could be helpful.
“We often dismiss small changes because they don’t seem to matter very much in the moment.”
This seems to be common with many disciplines, eating healthy, saving money, etc. When we are trying to save money for a big goal like a down payment on a house or if we are trying to get rid of credit card or student loan debt, we can fall into this trap. Let’s say you have $50 left at the end of the month, it’s easy to just want to spend it since it doesn’t seem like it would make a difference in saving for a big goal or paying off a large debt. But, if you consistently put your leftover money (even smaller amounts) towards your goal, you will reach your goal quicker. The little things really do add up. When you are trying to eat healthier, passing up a piece of cake doesn’t feel good in the moment. But, if you consistently choose healthier foods and say no to the unhealthy foods, you will improve your overall health and likely be happier in the long run.
Another way to look at this is to consider how each small positive action affects your future self. Say no to another helping of fried chicken because you want your future self to be healthy enough to live a long life. Say yes to a run when you don’t feel like it, so someday you will be ready for a marathon. Having a longer range perspective in the little things can be very motivating.
Do you have a goal where this strategy could be helpful?
Small Changes
This information comes from Atomic Habits by James Clear with my thoughts added.
“We often dismiss small changes because they don’t seem to matter very much in the moment.”
This seems to be common with many disciplines, eating healthy, saving money, etc. When we are trying to save money for a big goal like a down payment on a house or if we are trying to get rid of credit card or student loan debt, we can fall into this trap. Let’s say you have $50 left at the end of the month, it’s easy to just want to spend it since it doesn’t seem like it would make a difference in saving for a big goal or paying off a large debt. But, if you consistently put your leftover money (even smaller amounts) towards your goal, you will reach your goal quicker. The little things really do add up. When you are trying to eat healthier, passing up a piece of cake doesn’t feel good in the moment. But, if you consistently choose healthier foods and say no to the unhealthy foods, you will improve your overall health and likely be happier in the long run.
Another way to look at this is to consider how each small positive action affects your future self. Say no to another helping of fried chicken because you want your future self to be healthy enough to live a long life. Say yes to a run when you don’t feel like it, so someday you will be ready for a marathon. Having a longer range perspective in the little things can be very motivating.
Do you have a goal where this strategy could be helpful?
Cognitive Distortion: Filtering
It all begins with an idea.
These exercises are based on well-known cognitive distortions, which are inaccurate thoughts that reinforce negative thought patterns or emotions. Definitions used in this exercise come from www.positivepsychology.com with my thoughts added.
Filtering refers to the way a person can ignore all of the positive and good things in life to focus solely on the negative. It’s the trap of dwelling on a single negative aspect of a situation, even when surrounded by an abundance of good things.
This concept is easily illustrated by a common experience in the grocery store check-out line. We often believe that we are always in the slowest moving line. You know, the one where the person in front of you has a cart filled to the brim or they can’t find their wallet or where they need multiple price checks. Or the line where the cashier is new or the register goes down.
In reality, most people will have a mix of experiences at the grocery store check-out line. Yes, sometimes all the negative, time-consuming things seem to happen, but many times you are in line when a new checkout line opens up and you are now at the front of the line. Or you do actually pick the line full of savvy shoppers with only a few items. People who struggle with filtering only remember those times when they were in the slow moving line and generalize that to believe they always pick the worst line, when objectively that is simply not true. Fixing this cognitive distortion involves recognizing it and countering it with the truth. When you think, “I always get the slow line,” tell yourself, “Oops, looks like I picked a slow line this time,” remembering that this is not always the case.
Other common situations for filtering: Only believing and remembering negative feedback and comments from others, only remembering conflicts with people and not the good or neutral times, only remembering failures and not successes.
Is this a cognitive distortion you struggle with? What is a real-life example where you use filtering? How can you reframe your situation?
Mental Vacation
It all begins with an idea.
This is from Stress Relief and Selfcare Cards by Allura and Arcia with my thoughts added.
Separate your work life from your personal life
As your workday comes to an end, your body and mind have accumulated a lot of stress. You may feel exhausted and mentally drained. It may be hard to stop thinking about work left undone or overthink decisions and judgment calls made at work. This can be a hindrance to truly resting.
It is very common to carry that agitation home with you if you do not create a peaceful transition between your work and personal life.
Create a mindful transition from your workday to your home life using a mental vacation visualization practice. By visualizing your perfect relaxation spot, you can put yourself in a calm, restful, and happy state of mind that allows you to move on peacefully to your next responsibilities. Spend even just a few minutes picturing a place where you feel at peace.
This may seem difficult depending on your responsibilities at home. Coming home to aging parents, a spouse, children, or even pets may not feel restful. That’s why this technique can be helpful in separating your work life from your personal life.
You may have to practice this visualization in the parent pick-up line at your child’s school or in your car before entering your home. If your home life is not too busy, you may be able to do this visualization on the couch right when you get home. If you work from home, it may be best to leave your house and go on a walk while visualizing a vacation spot. This provides a more tangible separation between work and home life, which is especially difficult for those who work from home.
Give this visualization a try. Let me know how it goes.
Focusing on the Positive Over the Negative in Relationships
It all begins with an idea.
This information is from The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman, PH.D, with my thoughts added.
Happily married couples are able to keep their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive thoughts and feelings. Rather than creating a climate of disagreement and resistance, they embrace each other’s needs. When addressing a partner’s request, their motto tends to be a helpful, “Yes and…” rather than a “Yes, but….” The positive attitude not only allows them to maintain but also to increase the sense of romance, play, fun, adventure, and learning together that are at the heart of any long-lasting love affair.
If you think about the beginning of your relationship before everything got more serious and more complicated, you likely remember lots of positive moments. This is what made you fall in love and want to get more serious with your partner.
Obviously this is not asking you to just overlook large problems like infidelity, money mismanagement, lying, abuse, etc. What it is talking about is all the day-to-day annoyances that can come up when two people with two different points of view choose to do life together. It is easy to get wrapped up in the stress of jobs, childrearing or other family responsibilities and focus only on your partner’s negative qualities, assuming if they can just change those, life would be better. This is a common trap to fall into. In reality, focusing on their positive qualities will make your marriage happier.
How are you doing at keeping your negative feelings about your partner from overwhelming your positive feelings? To help you to think about the positive qualities in your partner, list five things you love about them. It may even be helpful to list these in your phone to refer to in moments where you aren’t feeling so positive.